Do me a favour- if you are in a parenting Whatsapp group or Facebook group, share this post to get this information to as many parents as possible

Adolescence

A Netflix show got adults talking a lot to eachother, and revealed we probably weren’t talking to our kids enough because it exposed an entire culture, language and mentality in schools that shocked many parents.

Dublin City University’s Anti-bullying centre has been carrying out research into the impact of online masculinity influencers on teenagers. You can read their full report here- or download it below. I have summarised some actionable points below, for children of all ages and listed some helpful resources.

Younger children (under 8)

• Promote Respect and Equality: Teach your children that everyone, regardless of their gender, deserves respect and equal treatment. Use inclusive language and challenge gender stereotypes in toys, books, and activities.

  Resource: https://socialjusticebooks.org/booklists/early-childhood/gender/ 

• Model Respectful Behaviour: Children learn by example. Ensure your own language and behaviour towards people of all genders are respectful and equitable. This includes in your household - do your roles in the house mirror gender stereotypes?

• Monitor Online Activity: Be aware of the social media platforms and influencers your children are engaging with. Even seemingly innocuous You Tube videos can lead to the algorithm delivering related content that is more extreme. This is much more difficult as children become older so teach literacy early before they have their own devices.

• Use Privacy Settings: Ensure appropriate privacy settings are in place on all social and video sharing platforms.

Preteens and teens

• Recognise Harmful Language: As children get older, discuss how disrespectful, discriminatory, and hateful language can target girls and women. Be aware of terms used in online spaces that devalue and belittle women, such as AWALT and THOT. Explain that these words contribute to a culture that normalises discrimination.

• Understand Harmful Ideologies: Help them understand that some online content promotes the idea that men are superior to women or that women should be subservient. Discuss how these ideas can lead to harmful behaviours and violence. Make it clear that even things that seem harmless, can lead to a damaging view of girls and women.

• Identify Online Masculinity Influencers: Be aware that some online influencers, particularly 'masculinity influencers', promote harmful attitudes and behaviours towards women. The most obvious examples are Andrew Tate and Robertas Ziogelis, who have promoted misogynistic and violent rhetoric.

• Recognise the "Manosphere": Explain that there are online communities known as the "manosphere" that often promote anti-feminism, misogyny, and transphobia. Be aware that content from these spaces often centres around gendered disinformation and conspiracy theories that blame women for men's problems.

Children and teens will always create their own forms of communication. This behaviour is designed to exclude adults. We can try to keep up with these languages and symbols, but a more effective route for communication is to keep an open and judgement free space for your children to confide in you. Always avoid shame. Shame does not stop behaviours, it just drives behaviours into secrecy.

What does this mean for my parenting?

• Create Safe and Open Spaces: Encourage open conversations where children feel comfortable asking questions and sharing their views without judgment. If you are judgemental, they will simply stop telling you things.

• Ask Open Questions: Instead of telling children what to think, ask questions that encourage critical thinking.

• Discuss Media Literacy: Teach children to critically evaluate the content they see online, including social media. Explain that not everything online is true or healthy and that algorithms can show them harmful content even if they weren't actively looking for it. (Did you know the NSPCC estimates 25% of content shown to young boys is misogynistic and this rises to 75% of their content once they have engaged (ie watched or liked something)? Talk to your children about how online algorithms work and how they can be exposed to harmful content passively. Encourage them to think critically about the messages they encounter. Teach teens how to identify and report discriminatory and hateful content on social media platforms.

• Challenge Harmful Norms: Discuss how rigid and oppressive ideas about masculinity can contribute to misogyny by suggesting that men and boys should be dominant and suppress emotions. Encourage a broader understanding of what it means to be a man that includes positive traits like empathy and respect. Discuss what healthy, respectful, and equitable relationships look like, both online and offline.

• Address the Appeal: Understand that some young people might be drawn to masculinity influencers because they seem to address challenges they are facing or offer a sense of belonging. Engage with these underlying issues and offer alternative, healthy perspectives and sources of support. Remember to always reserve judgement and shame. Promote Positive Role Models: Highlight individuals of all genders who demonstrate respect, equality, and kindness.

Resources

Welcome to the community! If you're new here, I am Dr Michele Veldsman, neuroscientist, tech entrepreneur and mum of 2 (age 4 and 7). 

I am on a mission to support parents with real, evidence and science-backed parenting advice. I want to make parenting less lonely and less overwhelming. 

What you can find in my parenting community: 

1. A fortnightly, evidence-based newsletter (you can catch old editions here: https://playroom.beehiiv.com/)

2. A guide to brain-based parenting here