Brain-based parenting

Remember the first-time parent anxiety over milestones? Was your toddler babbling on time? Were they cruising the furniture, ready to take their first steps? Why weren’t they talking as quickly as your friends children? Does it matter if they never crawled?

What if, in the anxiety of meeting milestones- we weren’t paying attention to the right ones?

What does the research say?

There are three important aspects of emotion that children develop from birth and throughout their childhood, adolescence and into adulthood - the expression of emotion, the recognition of emotions (in yourself and others) and the capacity (and skill) to manage emotions. These skills (which can be learned) are the foundation for all relationships, from their friendships, to their school relationships, to their intimate relationships- right down to how they manage their own parenting (if they do/need to).

Why is it important?

Although emotional development doesn’t get nearly as much attention as children’s cognitive, motor or social development, it is as important. In fact, for some children- their emotional development might be even more difficult than their ability to learn to read, or do maths. As with most aspects of child development- early intervention is best, so spotting signs of delay in emotional development is important for long term outcomes.

Milestones of emotional development

Babies emotions are usually tied to their caregiver - they have no ability to manage emotions and emotions override their attention (which is why they can go from peaceful to screaming in a few seconds). Their brain is starting to make connections between their emotions and the responses they elicit from others (when I cry, I am soothed, when I laugh I am smiled at).

Early toddler years are about understanding that other people have emotions and what different feelings mean. Managing their emotions is the main challenge (ask any toddler parent!)

Preschoolers are learning to integrate information about others emotions, their emotions and what it means for their interactions - “if I snatch that toy, the other child will cry - how will I feel?”. The more complex emotions like pride, embarrassment, guilt and shame emerge around this time too - these help children understand their place in society (“I feel shame for stealing the cookies, I am proud when I am kind to others”).

What does this mean for my parenting?

Emotional development is a crucial aspect of a child's growth, laying the foundation for social competence, mental health, and overall well-being. Emotional development is built into the architecture of children's brains, shaped by their experiences and environments. By actively supporting your child's emotional development, you're investing in their long-term well-being and success with better academic performance, improved social relationships, enhanced mental health and greater resilience as a result of emotional development.

🥰 Create a supportive environment: Provide a safe, nurturing space where your child feels comfortable expressing emotions (both positive and negative emotions). Remember, this is work we are doing for the long-term. If you want your children to come to you with the really complex emotions later on, set the groundwork now.

🧠 Model emotional intelligence: Demonstrate healthy ways of expressing and managing your own emotions - no one is perfect, but if you consistently shout and scream when angry, they will learn this is an acceptable way to handle anger.

🥰 Validate feelings: Acknowledge your child's emotions without judgment, helping them feel understood and accepted - avoid minimising emotions “it’s not scary”, “its nothing to worry about” - these are minimising their feelings and will teach them to not share with you as they get dismissed

🧠 Teach emotion vocabulary: Help your child name their feelings, expanding their emotional literacy - colours work very well with younger children as a way to identify emotions - older children can try writing about their feelings,

🥰 Encourage problem-solving: Guide your child in finding constructive ways to deal with challenging emotions and situations (don’t stop them for feeling negative emotions, they need to learn to deal with them, not push them away).

🧠 Provide opportunities for social interaction: Allow your child to practice emotional skills with their friends and in various social settings (unstructured play is great for this)

🥰 Be patient and consistent: Emotional development takes time and practice. Maintain a supportive approach even during challenging moments.

Seek professional help if needed: If you notice persistent emotional difficulties, consult a GP, paediatrician or child psychologist.

Closing down sale - £35 worth of products- family organisers, toddler parenting guides, online safety guides ALL included for £5. I am closing my online store as I move all resources to my new community