🧐"There is no such thing as parenting experts" 🧐

Is there a science to parenting? Or is it just doing what you think is best for your child and based on your experience?

Author

Michele Veldsman
September 06, 2025

This week, an influencer appearing on a popular daytime TV show (though not a parent herself) gave her opinion on whether we should spank kids. I have always felt strange taking advice from celebrities and influencers, as in most cases, there are experts who can tell us what the evidence says or take a more researched and considered approach to providing an opinion. This particular influencer implied that she agrees with spanking children, and that it never harmed her…

I am fascinated by the argument that, “if it was ok for me, it must be ok for everyone”, or the idea that we can just look at the anecdotal evidence around us and make our best guess. I was struck by a comment that claimed “there are no experts” when it comes to parenting.

No surprise, I vehemently disagree! Having spent the last four years immersed in the evidence around parenting decisions and how to support child and brain development. I am still shocked that people think we just need to go with our gut instinct and hope for the best, when decades of research in entire populations exists.

Spanking is a really interesting example of this, because we are still a few generations (more in some cultures) away from it being deemed completely unacceptable and ineffective to physically punish children (it is still not completely illegal in the UK).

Decades worth of research in thousands of children all over the world have confirmed physically punishing children is ineffective, a risk for their own later aggression against others, for their adult criminality and for addiction. All studies agree, that it isn’t actually an effective way to get children to “behave”(or comply) and it only has negative long-term consequences.

Yet, we still have a feeling that if we were spanked and turned out “ok” (not sure what the measurement for OK is?!) then it must be fine. And some people would go so far as to say any “bad” behaviour in kids today is the result of not spanking.

That is why I set myself a new (extremely ambitious) goal of reaching 100 000 families. I know parents are too overwhelmed and overburdened with life stuff, to go read 100 academic papers to make the best decisions for their children. So I am doing all that work and translating it into actionable advice that parents can use to guide their decisions and lighten their mental load.

On Monday 8th September (this Monday) I will be giving a free brain-based parenting webinar at 8pm-9pm. I will give you an intro to using evidence to improve your parenting. I will cover:

  1. The basics of brain development in the early years of life (no complicated neuroanatomy, just what is important and why

  2. Why and how the brain learns

  3. How to reward your children without making them entitled

Stop guessing. Start understanding.

😡 Do you ever find yourself repeating the same instruction, five, six, even ten times, only to be completely ignored?

😭 Do you face explosive meltdowns that seem to come from nowhere?

If you do, it's not a sign of a parenting failure. It's a sign of a mismatch. A mismatch between what we think should work and how a child's brain is actually wired.

For 20 years, I've had a privileged view into the human brain, studying its structure and function in institutions like the University of Oxford and the University of Cambridge. I've authored over 80 peer-reviewed academic papers. But it was only when I began decoding my own children's behaviour through the lens of neuroscience that everything finally clicked.

The behaviour that causes us the most frustration - the lack of impulse control, the emotional outbursts, the "selective hearing"- isn't a choice your child is making; it's limitations of their developing brain.

I've taken two decades of research and distilled it into a new video course: Effective and intentional parenting based on neuroscience.

This isn't about parenting hacks. It's the owner's manual for your child's brain that you were never given.

What is included?

On demand, under-3 minute videos on 33 topics for ages 2-3; 4-5; 6-8. One daily practical tip to implement and see results immediately. A community and 1:1 support.

1. How to be a better parent

2. Setting your kids up for life 

3. Handling BIG tantrums 

4. How do I support their learning? 

5. Learning through play 

6. Handling their big emotions (and yours)

7. Building language skills

8. Swearing and setting boundaries

9. Understanding lying and empathy 

10. Helping them to socialise  

11. What to do about bullying 

12. Should I punish my kids? 

13. Should I reward my kids?

14. How do I build resilience and self-esteem?

15. What do I do about screen time?

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