Brain-based parenting

Surprising absolutely none of us at all, parenting has officially been declared a major health hazard. There has finally been a recognition that parents face unacceptably high levels of stress, anxiety and loneliness. A quote from the report on 63 million adults in the US, probably resonates with many of us…

“Demands from both work and child caregiving have come at the cost of quality time with one’s partner, sleep and parental leisure time,”

What does the research say?

The American Psychological Association (APA) looked at a decades worth of stress data (2013-2023) and found parents were consistently more stressed out than child-free adults - 1/3 of those parents were reporting stress levels at the highest levels of the scale.

Half of parents reported overwhelming stress most days (compared to just 26% of adults without kids), 65% of parents are lonely.

Burnout is rife too, and is officially recognised as a medical condition by the WHO. Burnout can cause feelings of fatigue, lack of self-fulfilment, depersonalisation and emotional exhaustion. Sound familiar?

Whats causing all this stress in parents? It probably won’t surprise you that financial concerns; worries about child safety; anxieties over screen use and social media; work stress and lack of affordable childcare all feature high in parents anxieties.

This week, on my birthday, I took part in the WHO Commission for Social Connection. The WHO have determined over ¼ of the global population are lonely. Those stats get higher for certain groups at certain times of their lives, and parenthood is a major risk factor for loneliness.

What does this mean for my parenting?

🧠 The reason parental stress has been highlighted is because we know that there is a relationship between parental stress and mental illness and child social, emotional and cognitive development, so reducing stress is important. As laid out in the report: “Parental mental health can influence the emotional climate, responsiveness and consistency of caregiving at home, all of which are crucial for a child’s emotional and cognitive development,”

🧠 Connect. Loneliness is heavily stigmatised. Especially in parents, its sounds weird to say you feel lonely when you have just had children- surely you can’t be lonely? But loneliness is an emotional and psychological condition, and you can be surrounded by people, but still feel lonely. Talking about how you feel, and connecting with others is critical. Often loneliness causes us to further self-isolate, leading to mental ill health.

🧠 Get help. And no, I don’t mean a cleaner, nanny, driver and all the other roles you are juggling alongside work and parenting (I mean go ahead, if you can afford to- I would!!). There are tons of resources out there to help you, it can be small things from joining a community of other parents (thats why I am trying to build playroom); seeking medical advice for symptoms that prevent you from going about your day to day life; making small changes to bring joy back in; finding the thing that consistently brings you stress (maybe putting away laundry)- and doing something fun alongside (like listening to a podcast or audiobook)… or better yet, teaching your kids to do it for a reward!

Struggling with kids under 6? Constantly managing preteens and teenagers ever-changing moods and BIG BIG emotions?

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