Brain-based parenting

It’s that time of year, spooky season 👻- when parents become genuinely terrified by over-excited kids, hyped up on sweets and roaming the streets in the dark (even though its like 5pm!). The kiddos go out on to the street to collect sweets from strangers (we usually tell them NOT to do that!) and then have to restrain themselves from eating them all. Remember that a lack of a fully developed frontal lobe, means they will struggle to resist the urge to eat all the sweets- so we need to

1. send them out with a tummy full of fibre and protein so they don’t eat to fill up an empty tum

2. set expectations before hand, agree they can choose some of their favourite sweets to eat on the night, and save the rest for later.

What does the research say?

🍬 Have you heard of the marshmallow test? 

In the 70’s a famous experiment put a marshmallow in front of children, and told them they could eat it straight away, or - if they waited, they could have two marshmallows later on. The kids who couldn’t quite hold out, and quickly gobbled up the marshmallow in front of them, were later showed to have all sorts of worse outcomes than the kids who managed to restrain themselves. It made sense, because having self control helps in all aspects of life, from studying hard for academic success, to maintaining healthy life habits. The idea, put forth by Walter Mischel, was that the ability to delay gratification was the key to success in life- it spawned books, TED talks, educational programs and countless videos of adorable children giving into the squishy treat in front of them.

Although initial follow up studies seem to show some correlation between how quickly kids gave in to that first marshmallow, and their later academic, economic and health outcomes, there were a number of problems with that study, that made other researchers want to check how good the marshmallow test really was. Many of the kids studied in the first experiments in the 70s, could not be tracked down, or declined to be studied again in later follow ups. A lot of the kids in the study were of a relatively high socio-economic status, with parents who were Stanford University researchers, and who probably had a good chance at success based on that alone.

Follow up studies, and planned repeats of the experiment, failed to show the marshmallow test was as good as we thought at predicting who would win in life! This probably comes as a relief to anyone who self-identifies as an immediate marshmallow gobbler! It is probably also a relief to those poor kids who were labelled early on as destined for failure!

What does this mean for my parenting?

🍬Life outcomes aren’t simple to predict. Some of the biggest predictors of future outcomes are things we can probably all predict - the education levels of our parents, access to food, good education, and healthcare. How quickly you gave into sweet cravings as a preschooler, are always going to be dwarfed in comparison to access to the most important things in life, like a good sleep environment, a healthy home life and quality healthcare.

 🌟 Delayed gratification and self control can be taught. Despite the marshmallow test not being the best crystal ball for your children’s future life outcomes, delayed gratification and self-regulation and control can be taught and practiced. Teaching your children how to save for things is a very valueable tool. Start with tokens to collect in exchange for rewards.

📚Play and storytelling are natural methods to enhance your children’s self-regulation. Through play, they learn rules about the world. Stories are also a natural way of learning how events relate to each other and going from A to B, via increasingly complex routes. Encourage your children to come up with their own stories. Puzzles are also an excellent way to boost executive function and the skills needed to see things through from start to finish.

Next week I am launching a brand new parenting community on Mighty Networks.

• We will have regular online webinars from leading developmental neuroscientists and psychologists 

• Everything you get here in much more depth, personalised, and with other parents to connect to

• All the information you need in easily digestible, live and on-demand content, with the opportunity to ask questions and interact with other parents

• We've got spaces covering all aspects of child development, all fully interactive

• We can keep conversations and messaging going before, during, and after our events.

  Reply to secure a founding member spot at just £8.99 per month- no obligation- (rising to £15.99 after launch)